In Sickness and In Health
by pistonsfan75
Summary: A one-shot about a dream Shang has after they leave Qi Gong. Will he ever forgive himself for what he almost did on the mountain and for what he did do? Rated M for a small amount of smut.


The first part is a dream Shang has after they leave Qi Gong.

 _I was hanging on to Mulan's hand and she was hanging on to the rope. It started to snap. I knew it couldn't hold my weight and hers. I could see the soldiers planning how to pull us up to safety, but I knew if they tried to pull us up, it would snap the rest of the way and we would both die._

 _Before we had left the Fa home, I had promised Fa Zhou I would watch over Mulan and keep her safe._

 _"Mulan, I'm sorry."_

 _I'm sorry for the fighting..._

 _I'm sorry for not being able to marry you or have children with you..._

 _I'm sorry for blaming all the failures of the mission on you..._

 _I'm sorry for nearly taking your life at the Tung Shou Pass..._

 _I'm sorry for leaving you on the mountain disgraced and wounded and half-dressed without a tent and vulnerable to the many dangers of the mountains while the rest of the army left..._

 _I'm sorry for not listening to you when you tried to warn me the Huns were alive and in the city..._

 _I'm sorry for doubting your plan to rescue the emperor..._

 _"I love you"_

 _I let go of her hand. I felt myself falling. I could hear her screaming my name. A thousand memories of her flashed through my mind._

 _"Uh, sorry. I mean, uh, sorry you had to see that. But you know how it is when you get those manly urges and you just gotta kill something, fix things, cook outdoors..."_

 _"Hey, I'll hold him and you punch. Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain."_

 _"My name is Mulan. I did it to save my father. Please, you have to believe me."_

 _"Shang, the Huns are alive. They're in the city."_

 _"Hey, guys, I got an idea!"_

 _"With all due respect, Sir, I think I've been away from home long enough."_

 _"Would you like to stay for dinner? Would you like to stay forever?"_

 _She had been the best thing that had ever happened to me. She was my life and my world. I wanted her to live a long life and hoped she would find happiness with someone._

 _A thousand needles hit my skin as I crashed into the freezing river. Everything went black._

 _Then I was in a prison in Qi Gong, being beaten for Chinese military information that I wouldn't give. They brought Mulan up to me with a sword at her neck, threatening to kill her if I didn't comply. She was begging me not to give in, to let the Mongols take her life rather than betray the emperor. The sword cut deep into her skin and her blood flowed on the floor around me as I knelt, helpless with my hands tied behind me, silently refusing to share information I knew about the Middle Kingdom and begging them to kill me, too._

Suddenly I woke with a start. I was in a tent, with Mulan sleeping in my arms. She hadn't been killed by the Mongols and they hadn't arrested and tortured me. I could feel her soft, even breath on my face. I thought of the events of the day and night before.

After I had interrupted her wedding to Lord Chin's son, her guardian Dragon had impersonated the Great Golden Dragon of Unity and insisted we be married on the spot. The princesses had agreed to marry Lord Chin's three sons, despite having fallen in love with the three soldier escorts. The five of us had peacefully left Qi Gong after purchasing supplies for the journey back.

Not a single song had crossed the soldiers' lips as they were mourning the loss of their new sweethearts. In a few days' time, they had found love and lost it. The trip was too quiet without their singing. I even missed Yao and Ling's banter and occasional fights. Chien Po didn't even talk about food, his favorite topic in the entire world.

Khan had been taken by the bandits, so we had both ridden out of the city on my stallion. We had made camp next to the river, the same one I had fallen into. I didn't tell her how much my whole body ached from landing in the river, especially my back which had hit the water first.

The three soldiers had taken first watch and told us to go to sleep, knowing how exhausted I was from battling the freezing water. Mulan had started to set up her own tent, but I had reminded her we were married now and she could sleep in mine with me. That had brought whistles and catcalls from the three soldiers and Mulan had blushed. To her further embarrassment, I had told them "If the tents a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'" and told them to keep their distance from our tent.

Once we were alone inside, I had put my arms around her and passionately kissed her. I could tell she was nervous, so I told her I understood if she didn't want our first time to be in this setting.

"No, I want to." Then she returned my kisses with a passion I'd never seen before. I undid the sash around her waist and she undid mine. Then I undid her dress and it fell to the ground. She pulled my robes off and threw them on the ground by her dress. All this time we hadn't stopped kissing. She laid down on the mat and pulled me down with her. I removed her underclothes and kissed both of her breasts, then took off the underclothes I'd been wearing. To say she was beautiful as I looked at her laying on that mat was an understatement. She put her arms out to me as I climbed on top of her. Wanting to make the moment last, I had kissed her neck and worked my way down to her breasts, then worked my way back up to her mouth and kissed her as I entered her. It had been the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced in my life. After, we'd both gone to sleep curled up together tightly under a couple of blankets.

All this ran through my mind as I watched her sleep. I couldn't believe she was mine. I'd fallen in love with her on that mountain in the Tung Shou Pass as she had begged for her life. Seeing the stunning beauty in her dark brown eyes for the first time had caused me to drop the sword on the snow in front of her. She had saved my life in the avalanche, after all. I had admired her love for her father that had run so deep that she'd risked her life to save his. If only I could have saved mine.

A burning rage had flared up inside me, against the law and the councilman standing next to me calling for her immediate death. That was where I felt I first went wrong. Rather than standing up to this sniveling coward who hated women, I had called for everyone to move out. When he questioned my decision to leave her alive and alone on the mountain, I had gotten an inch from his face and loudly repeated my order.

I should have taken her with us. She had just been cut by Shan Yu's sword and then still managed to pull me from the raging avalanche and save my life. And then I had abandoned her on the mountain pass, leaving her vulnerable to the elements and potentially a prey to bandits. I knew how women victims were treated by bandits.

After the war was over, I had visited her home many times and we'd talked about the mountain. I had told her how sorry I was for abandoning her in the subzero conditions without so much as a tent. She had told me many times she'd forgiven me, but I could never forgive myself. I still had nightmares about it nearly every night. Like the one I had tonight.

Her eyes opened and looked into mine with so much love that I felt I didn't deserve. I kissed her forehead and told her to go back to sleep, but not before telling her once more how sorry I was for leaving her on the mountain.

She put her hand on my cheek and then then stroked my hair.

"Shang, I'm here now. I've forgiven you. I want you to forgive yourself."

"How can I when I see your face staring up at me from the snow in my dreams every night?"

"Because now you can open your eyes every morning and see me looking at you with love."

Maybe she's right. Maybe it's time to move on from the mountain and stop keeping myself chained to the past. After all, she is here with me, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live.

THE END


End file.
